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Joke of the Day

"GOD: Peter, you will be heaven's bouncer ST PETER: What the hell, I don't want ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he'll make you a dog"

"i don't know if that's a burrito in your pocket or if you're happy to see me but at that size i'd be interested in both"

"Jews rated their trip to auschwitz It was one star"

"Why don't witches like The Keg? Because it's always burned at the stake"

"Rice: for when you're not really hungry but still wanna eat a 1000 of something."

"Hey girl, on a scale of 'Neo's mind in the beginning of The Matrix' and 'Neo's mind at the end', how free are you tonight?"

"A Cadillac carrying five Mexicans drives off of a cliff and everybody dies. Why is it a tragedy? Because a Cadillac sits six."

"Where do fishes keep their money? In river banks"

"Russian Standard is a vodka and American Standard is a toilet. Russians are all drunks and Americans are all full of shit."

"If you got on a bus with a bunch of gay guys would you stay on or would you get off?"