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Joke of the Day

"Tumblr is like junk food They're both filled with trans fat."

"Mr. Trump, what will you do as President? TRUMP: I'll outlaw shredded cheese and only sell blocks Why? TRUMP: To make America grate again"

"Jew joke Why are Jewish men circumcised? Their women won't touch anything that's not 20% off"

"My doctor said i had to take something against my kleptomania... So i stole his wallet."

"A cop pulls a guy over for speeding on a slow day Cop: ""I've been waiting for you all day."" Driver: ""Sorry, officer. I got here as fast as I could."""

"What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they got married? Feyonce"

"I'll never be able to clean my house faster than when someone texts saying they're coming over."

"This whole time I thought Ariana Grande was a font"

"I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukkake party. You should have seen her face."

"Why do baby birds love Amy Schumer's comedy? They can't handle anything that hasn't been consumed and regurgitated."