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Joke of the Day

"Why do baby birds love Amy Schumer's comedy? They can't handle anything that hasn't been consumed and regurgitated."

"Everyone gets on the fashion industry for unrealistic beauty standards, but can we talk about unrealistic depictions of food on boxes?"

"How does Yoda spend his time. He mostly just sits on his log, watching the Dagobah."

"Why does the number 288 not come up in polite conversation? Because it's two gross."

"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a car accident? He's alright, though."

"How to make holy water You boil the hell out of it."

"Why do Jews watch porno movies in reverse? Because they like the part where the hooker gives the money back to the guy."

"What did King Midas say to get peoples attention? Eh you!!"

"Because Washington passed gay marriage today I threw my human wife in the garbage, fucked 2 donkeys & married a rotisserie chicken."

"I don't know much about fashion. I assume a leotard is an idiot born between July 23 & August 22."