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Joke of the Day

"Do you think the rattlesnake is ever embarrassed that he has a stupid baby toy at the end of his string body"

"What is the most tried and true method to getting a small fortune? Start out with a large fortune."

"What do you call a blond woman who dyes her hair brown? Her name, you asshole."

"[gets kidnapped] Hold up, I forgot my phone charger."

"Never trust a tree. They're shady as fuck."

"Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher and she ended up pregnant."

"What is the most popular social media form at Hogwarts? SnapeChat"

"My friend made a joke about terrorist hijacking planes I rated it 9/11"

"T H E K I _ _ _ P P E R Taking a DNA sample from the kidnapper."

"People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't, or at least that's what I like to tell myself."