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Joke of the Day

"Hey U.S.: if every now and then I heard a ""God PLEASE bless America"", maybe you'd have better luck. #manners"

"3 guys walk into a bar.... and the fourth guy ducks!"

"How does a watch maker tell you he likes you? With a romantic tock."

"Why are artificial eyes made from glass? They gotta be see-through"

"Pro Tip: Do not let your kids push that red button in the elevator. The fire department will NOT think its adorable."

"Dentist says I need to be more aggressive when flossing, so I'm going to start barking."

"Accidentally ran the wash with Ecstasy still in a back pocket. Now my jeans are freaking out, and the zipper won't stop grinding its teeth."

"The cop told me to put the guns down, but I couldn't... they were attached to my body."

"What do you call a shy, soft-spoken hipster? mumblr"

"My salad for lunch is missing one key ingredient which would make it perfect. Donuts."