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Joke of the Day

"Hey U.S.: if every now and then I heard a ""God PLEASE bless America"", maybe you'd have better luck. #manners"

"Two mental health counselors happen to meet each other at the mall... *""You seem fine!""*, says one to the other, *""How am I?""*"

"DISPATCH: we have a report of a robbery in progress four blocks from your current location HOT AIR BALLOON COP: I'll be there in 80 days"

"What's Chinese and climbs the Empire State Building? Ping Pong"

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out of the chamber."

"My wife says she is really looking forward to the hotel... But I have my reservations."

"Winter's coming so I'm knitting you a muffler. What size is your mouth?"

"DEATH: You're grounded! Get back here! DEATH'S DAUGHTER: Whatever. *gets on motorcycle, zooms across tightrope* DEATH: HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME!"

"this is your brain *an egg* this is your brain on drugs *egg in frying pan* this is your brain skateboarding *egg on a skateboard* haha nice"

"Don't call me a party animal then get upset that I pooped on your carpet."