34094

Joke of the Day

"I was going to drive to the shop to pick up some guacamole... ....but I don't avocado."

"[ cookout ] Me: OMG this ketchup is amazing! Host: yea yea we all know you brought the ketchup"

"""Opinions are like assholes..."" ""... I like yours."" -SO this morning"

"I like to write ""made you look"" on folded pieces of paper and place them under car windshield wipers in parking lots."

"I think my virginity has grown back."

"My Dad got me a thesaurus for Christmas last year But when I opened it every single page was blank. I didn't have the words to describe how angry I was."

"How to be a grown up at work? Always smile and replace ""fuck you"" with ""OK great"""

"Damn Jared Back at it again with the white vans!"

"If your laugh in real life sounds like ""Bahahaha"", guaranteed I won't be funny around you."

"Did you hear about that mad cow disease? A cow to another: ""Did you hear about that mad cow disease? Makes cows go completely insane!"" The other cow: ""Good thing I'm a helicopter!"""