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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide."

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"Hillary sucks But not like Monica"
"How do you convey body language? With your figure of speech"
"what kind of biscuit can fly? a PLANE biscuit"
"Chuck Norris doesn't say ""who's your daddy"", because he knows the answer."
"Statistics say that 1/3 of people cheat in their relationships Which got me thinking, Is it my wife or is it my girlfriend who is cheating?"
"What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can? A dead baby in 6 trash cans."
"If you knew what I considered to be my ""best behavior"" it's doubtful you'd advise me to be ""on it""."
"I need to make a change. I haven't given a fuck my entire life. I'm still a virgin."
"GOD: I designed this world with a purpose, why did u change everything PEOPLE: We [pug walks by] GOD: What...the HELL...is that"