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Joke of the Day

"What kind of girls date firefighters? Hose."

"About 2/3 of the Atheists I know were raised catholic, and I can't help but wonder... Was the sex really that bad?"

"Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, ""If I'm alive by then,"" and hang up."

"I've been doing so much cardio that I'm going to have a heart attack And my hearts gonna win."

"Couldn't look worse today. Time to run into an ex..."

"A friend of mine was reading an article on a newspaper talking about the dangers of drinking, after that he stopped doing what he loved... ...reading."

"A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck.. ..A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck. Platypus ate food. Duck billed platypus"

"What do you call it when a dinosaur can't get it up? ereptile dysfunction"

"WIFE: OMG how did grandma's ashes get knocked off the mantel? ME: Actually I think it was- *cat makes throat slice gesture* -the wind"

"i was going to tell a unemployment joke....... but its not going to work"