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Joke of the Day

"How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesn't matter. All they're going to do is stand around and talk about changing it."

"What do you call an X-Games athlete who placed dead last? A louger."

"my criminal record is only clean because of how fast i can run with my pants around my ankles."

"Random drunk guy: if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and I together. Me: It's perfect the way it is with N and O together."

"I like my women like I like my sex partners... Female."

"How does Moses make his coffee? He-brews it."

"The only people who truly know your story, are the ones that helped you write it."

"I wanted to set my password as madeline But apparently that's taken."

"How do you wake up Lady Gaga? poke her face"

"What did the bartender say to the horse? bartender: Why the long face? Horse: My alcoholism is destroying my family."