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Joke of the Day

"[halftime] Coach: Okay men we're literally losing at basketball to a dog... any ideas? -I have one. *pulls out vacuum with a jersey on*"

"A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins... Multi-porpoise!"

"If April showers bring May flowers... then May flowers bring Pilgrims."

"What's cold and scary?! I-scream!"

"What do you do if you find a trumpet growing in your scottish garden? You root it ooot!"

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm a python You can't get round me just like that you know!"

"Sex. Don't get it? good, you never will."

"Jacob Sartorious must have been born on a highway Because that's where most accidents happen."

"I would tell a good chemistry joke right now But all of the good ones argon"

"[waiting with friend for his test results] ""I'm nervous"" I'm sure you're fine *sees 2 doctors playing rock paper scissors outside room*"