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Joke of the Day

"[first date] Her: omg are you wearing a cape? Lol Me: [texting mom] ok you were right about the cape"

"M: HEY, DID YOU REMEMBER CONDOMS? H: FFS, use your inside voice M: *whispers* did you remember condoms? H: can this wait til after mass?"

"Dating Profile Sex: Probably Favorite Food: Yes Favorite Movie: Star Wars Favorite Book: LOLZ"

"What do you call 2 guys hanging on the wall around a window? Kurt and Rod."

"Once again I'm reminded that pressing harder on a remote control when I know the batteries are getting dead is not an effective strategy."

"The other day I heard that photons have mass Who would have thought that they we catholic?"

"Wanted to do something patriotic today so I bought a gun and fifty Big Macs."

"What's the same between Brussel sprouts and anal sex? If you enjoy it as as an adult you hated it as a kid"

"Friends don't let friends drive drunk but I don't want them staying at my house And that's why Uber was created"

"""What an ugly baby,"" I said, much more audibly than intended."