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Joke of the Day

"Can I take your order? Yeah, lemme get a McRib and a large Coke. Sir, this is Wallgreens OK, make it a bottle of Xanax, and some Pringles"

"I'm in a Japanese restaurant. I shit you not. They have a vegetable tempura appetizer called ""Mushroom Cloud."" I'm afraid to order it."

"I fell of a 50ft ladder today! Luckily, I was only on the second step."

"[1st date] HER: My favorite movie is Zoolander, how bout u? ME: OMG SAME HER: What part's ur fave? ME: Um [sweating] when he lands a zoo"

"Why don't old people have sex? Have you ever tried peeling a grilled cheese apart?"

"Why did Russia close all of its airports? The planes were stalin."

"My dad was walking around the house screaming yesterday.... He kept shouting, ""A, E, I, O, U"". ""What's wrong?"", I asked him. To which he responded, ""Nothing, I just have irritable vowel syndrome..."""

"Mum: Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine? Boy: Because he read the label and it said 'shake well before using.'"

"What does an epileptic vegetarian eat? Seizure Salad"

"What did I have to tell the homeopathic drug addict? That's an oxy, moron!"