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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] HER: My favorite movie is Zoolander, how bout u? ME: OMG SAME HER: What part's ur fave? ME: Um [sweating] when he lands a zoo"

"What's an owl's favorite song? The Who's Who are you? Hoot hoot. Hoot hoot."

"Americans should be asking Santa for better presidential candidates and nothing else."

"You know the meeting has gone completely downhill when someone suggests sacrificing a chicken."

"So I found out today I have Alzheimer's..."

"[2048] President Khaleesi Smith decrees that the words of the Star Spangled Banner will be changed to ""Land of the fleek & home of the bae"""

"I have a photographer's memory Or is it photographic? I always forget."

"Hear about that guy who was so desperate for accolades that he framed his parking citation?"

"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and vagina? Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded."

"Just tried to even up my sideburns and now I'm a hairless cat."