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Joke of the Day
"What is a ducks drug of choice? Quack."
Next Joke
"What do you call the electronic process of making a sandwich? A sub routine."
"My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't stop talking about Star Wars. I said ""Please don't leave me, Yoda one for me."" In other news, I'm single."
"Pro tip: if you absolutely must speak in court, do not put air quotes around ""the law"". Judges don't like it."
"Scientists claim that the Big Bang was the loudest noise that has ever occured in history. They obviously haven't met my kids."
"Got bad news today. Doctor says I have Nimitz Disease. But don't worry. I'm just a carrier."
"When does John Cena get scared? When John CENA ghost!"
"What is the fiercest flower in the garden ? The tiger lily !"
"What's the difference...? What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar and deer nuts are just under a buck."
"My Girlfriend My girlfriend is an epidimiologist and I'm a stand-up comedian so that means I have a lot of chores I have to go do. Later."