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Joke of the Day

"Stepped on an action figure in the shower and simultaneously invented six new cuss words in four different languages."

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? ""Keep the tip."""

"Thought it would be romantic to serenade this girl with some Elvis. I swear that's the last time I sing ""You ain't nothin but a hound dog"""

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? it's a pretty obscure number.... i'm sure you haven't heard of it."

"Some cool ways to trick a woman into bed include ""being kind,"" ""making her feel special"" & ""showing her respect."" They love that shit!"

"I'm starting a secret society for people who have been banned from other secret societies. It's called The Illuminaughty. (Don't tell anyone, though. It's a secret.)"

"Did they ever identify that unknown female deer crime victim? You mean Jane Doe?"

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!"

"Does the world really need another rhetorical question?"

"I unveiled my plan for loan repayments. It's staggering."