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Joke of the Day

"To all new iPad owners. When you masturbate in front of your new device, make sure to put some porn on its screen to avoid embarrassment."

"Are all females on twitter moms? Is my mom here? Mom? You there doin drunk tweets?"

"The only highlight of a brutal moving day: Wife: ""That's way too big to fit in the back door."" 4 people in unison: ""That's what she said!"""

"German people are so rude. I helped someone in Berlin and all he did was call me ""donkey."""

"My uncle went on holiday to Ireland, but didn't have enough time to go to Clare. He really wanted to see Moher"

"Having the option to erase and re-record after having to leave a voicemail is one of my favorite things about life."

"How can you tell if a Redditor is an extrovert? During any conversation he's looking at YOUR shoes."

"I like to shave in front of my car's side view mirrors every morning. that way, I can get a closer shave than it appears."

"An E-Flat , a G-Flat & a B-Flat walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""Sorry, we don't serve minors""."

"[Ouija board] ""Hey spirits, talk to us"" W H A T S U R F R I E N D S N A M E H E S C U T E ""fml"""