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Joke of the Day

"Fear is not the same is respect. For instance I fear bears but integrity wise they are huge pieces of shit"

"Told my friends I couldn't make it to happy hour. Didn't tell them it's because I want to sit around sans pants and eat cheese for a while."

"A man with a sheep A man goes home with a sheep under his arm and says ""this is the pig I've been fucking."" His wife says "" that's not a pig, that's a sheep."" The man says ""I wasn't talking to you."""

"I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket. 'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'"

"You know what I find odd? Numbers that aren't divisible by 2."

"I am so lazy I thought about looking at the super moon and decided 2033 isn't even that far away"

"Men's briefs that are two sizes too big are just ""whities"" I suppose."

"It's so cold in south florida, I just saw an iguana kill a squirrel and use it as a scarf."

"I'd tell a chemestry joke but I'm afraid I wouldn't get a reaction."

"How do you fire a Chinese cook? Ask him to take wok."