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Joke of the Day

"ROOMMATE: Big date later? ME: [combs hair] Yes R: Where? M: [fixes tie] The woods R: Is it with a bear again? M: [dabs honey behind ears] No"

"A termite walks into a bar... And asks the nearest person ""Hey, is the bar tender here?"""

"Autoerrection has saved my life"

"Your honor let the records indicate my client was upsexy Judge: what's upsexy? [lawyer whispers to defendant] quick, this is your chance"

"What did they call the Pillsbury Doughboy after he hurt his leg? Limp Biscuit"

"What do you call a pig with three eyes? ...A piiig"

"Interrupting Cow's Cousin Moo. Knock knock. Who's there? Time traveling cow."

"Nice butts take my breath away... I'm assmatic."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He lay awake in bed all night, wondering if there was really a dog."

"A Rich man sent a medicine shipment to Somalia Once it reached the Airport inspection, Customs rejected it and sent it back; the instructions on the medicines said : after meal"