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Joke of the Day
"Have you heard the one about the butter? Nah, you'll just spread it around."
Next Joke
"That's one healthy flower bed you've got blooming in your backyard. How many bodies do you have buried there? -My attempts at small talk."
"The first time I made love to Kate I thought of my late wife, Susan. I thought, this'll teach her to be late"
"My wife and i got along so much better... When we were just brother and sister"
"Why do Jews have big noses? cuz air is free"
"[steps off crosstrainer] ""Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--"" ""Shall I call an ambulance?"" ""Please."""
"What do you call two crows sitting on a branch? Attempted murder."
"I don't understand poor people They keep saying they have ""nothing"", then when there's a flood ot a fire, they say they lost ""everything""."
"If I ever die, my phone better go with me or there will be some pissed off people at my funeral."
"Do you know why it's called the Holy Land? Because it's full of bullet holes."