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Joke of the Day

"Why did Mozart kill his chicken? Because when he asked the chicken ""Who's the best composer"" the chicken said ""Bach, Bach, Bach"""

"I was the best fisherman in town. (nsfw) They called me the master baiter. I could also catch many rare fish, and they also called me a pretty good hooker."

"Why did the mother feed her newborn lamb? Because it's baby food."

"""i am trapped in a loveless marriage help me obi-wan you're my only hope"" ""use divorce, luke"""

"[Being murdered] (with every stab, i move my body so that the murderer strikes acupuncture points which, to his dismay, makes me feel great)"

"I was walking through Home Depot yesterday when I tripped and knocked an industrial vacuum cleaner onto a bunch of carpentry tools. It sucked on so many levels..."

"I'll defend puppies & kittens with my life.. But if your kid's acting like a spoiled brat...I will ABSOLUTELY knock him over when you're not looking."

"If by 'paleontologist' you mean I can name all 5 shapes in the box of dinosaur chicken nuggets then, yes, I am a paleontologist."

"A son asks his dad, ""What's the difference between a boy and a girl?"" His dad answers, ""Well, there's a vas deferens!"""

"Policeman: I've had my eye on you for some time now. Young Lady: That's funny. I thought you were arresting me for speeding."