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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the bike move? It was two tired. Sorry^that^shit^made^no^sense"

"finally found a way to refer to myself + dog in a way that's creepier than the mother/child dichotomy: FUR HUSBAND and SKIN WIFE"

"A Unit of Power Walks Into A Bar Watt?"

"I'm allergic to chickpeas. Any time I eat them I falafel."

"I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now i can't find him."

"I used to know a guy who had five legs. His pants fitted him like a glove."

"Yesterday my doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating. I asked, ""Why is that, doc?"" He replied, ""I'm trying to examine you."""

"I ate a pizza. just kidding lol"

"Former police officers are offering their services to appear in court for you. It's a form of copper recycling."

"For father's day, I took my father out. Now I don't have to remember to wish him."