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Joke of the Day

"I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind."

"Before company arrives we like to clean our house so there's no evidence that we live like circus monkeys the other 364 days of the year!"

"The inventor of the Orgy has died today. Everyone is coming together for his funeral."

"Good night cop: Want the light on or off? Sweet dreams kiddo. Bad night cop: You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep."

"Why is Trump's suits made from the same material as panties? What else do you cover a cunt with?"

"Ever notice how confusing your sentence's are when you incorrectly use apostrophe's to pluralize word's? It hurt's me even to type thi's."

"I always dump a gatorade on my head before I leave the house so people think I just won sports."

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? A: I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass. (I'm sorry, this joke was mentioned on How I Met Your Mother and I can't stop laughing since)"

"I fill my pockets with glitter so when people ask me for money, I can turn them out to show that I'm broke, but still a little fancy."

"A city is only really home when you stop being mystified by its public transport system and instead are just constantly angry at it."