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Joke of the Day

"Quotes to calm an angry woman: 1. Stress makes you fat. 2. My ex never acted like that. 3. I love you, even if you're just like your mom."

"[Noah from the Bible is doing laundry and his washer just starts spewing water] DEBORAH GET THE BOAT"

"I hate seeing people I know on Tinder My girlfriend has some explaining to do..."

"My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush."

"Me: One last drink and then I'm off to the petting zoo Her: Aren't you too drunk to bring the kids to a petting zoo? Me: I have kids?"

"Does this comic book collection make me look single?"

"I just finished a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn't mine."

"What kind of donuts did Bob Marley prefer? The ones with Jam in"

"I went to library to check out a book on suicide. The librarian asked me ""who would bring it back?"""

"I've been using ProductsTM for years and let me tell you, Other BrandsTM can't compare !"