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Joke of the Day

"What happens when the smog rises in Los Angeles...? . . . . UCLA."

"When I'm at a business dinner I pretend like I'm choking so I can chug my wine."

"when i give my policy number to a customer service automated system, i talk precisely & slowly. this is also how i talk to stoned teens"

"I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job... but when I got home all of the signs were there."

"Dora the Explorer has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had."

"I'm going to walk up to strangers and ask ""Would you take a photo of me?"" If they say yes, I will hand them a photo of me and walk away."

"Why don't boobies make apple juice? BECAUSE GIRLS ONLY HAVE A ""PEAR"" AHAHEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE"

"So Chris Brown has quit music... Unsurprisingly, he has beaten Rihanna to it."

"Cop said that it's illegal for me to have flashing lights & siren on my car. I looked at his car and said are you going to arrest yourself?"

"How do you kill a black man? Hide his food stamps in his work boots."