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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to leave the presents out and hide my kids in the closet until Christmas."

"I can't be the only one that sees the day when a direct message from a catfish is called carp DM."

"Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."

"My girlfriend buys candles the same way I buy weed. She looks at the color, opens it and smells it, buys it, then lights it on fire to relax"

"[date] HER: Any hobbies? ME: I collect old comics HER: Oh! Like 1st editions? ME: [flashback to Billy Crystal tied up in basement] Sure"

"I Beat my wife like I Beat my Dick. All the time."

"I hate it when guys use pickup lines like, 'Hey, what's your friend's name?' on me. Worst pickup line ever."

"Why do Jewish people have big noses Because air is free"

"Dating is a win-win. If things go well, you eat food and fall in love. If they don't, you still eat food and that's all that really matters."

"Want to know how to not get malware? To late, you already clicked the link."