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Joke of the Day

"In my bed, it's perpetual motion all night long, baby."

"Fact: Bernie Sanders won't release his birth certificate because it proves that when he was born he was already a 74-year-old man"

"Everyone tells me I hold grudges just like my dad. They say I'm a chip on the old shoulder."

"So a man walks into a bar... And hurts his head."

"Apparently the average person has sex 365 times a year Pray for me. I may not survive the next 12 hours."

"It concerns me as a parent that damn near every Disney movie shows kids if your parents die you'll become royalty and have a great life."

"I've just done the pilot of a new porn series about promiscuous airline staff."

"What do you call a tree if you don't know what kind of tree it is? It's a mystery."

"In extremely rare cases women have been known to sleep with me."

"How can you tell if your wife is dead The sex is the same but the dishes start to pile up."