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Joke of the Day

"One burrito looks at another burrito and says, ""you wanna fight?"" The second burrito says, ""nah"". The first burrito says, ""What are you, chicken?"""

"If you've never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive ""to work"" to get a chick to leave your house then you're not me."

"An alien makes contact. I take it home, give it a sandwich. Then ice cream. And then, to show we're an advanced race, an ice cream sandwich."

"what do you say when your photo's being taken give it back"

"Everyone's always talking about our forefathers... I'm pretty sure there were more than that."

"Hiphop cereal idea: Ludacrisp"

"When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why."

"[mall food court] Me: *stomach rumbling* OMG not now Brain: Too bad you hate using public washrooms My White Undies: Sweet baby jesus no"

"Watching football (soccer), I see that it is very relevant to my life Little to no goals"

"*A demon tries to posses my soul while I sleep but can't because he's choking on all of the axe body spray I'm wearing*"