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Joke of the Day

"Hillary Clinton came out with a new campaign slogan in response to Sanders' ""Feel the Bern"" Its called ""Feel the Clit"""

"Can't afford Sea World, so I took my kid to a fish market. Me: 'Shhh, they're asleep' 'Mom, they're breaded' Me: 'That's their blankie'"

"The man said to his mime... ""I'm afraid I have to fire you."" The mime replied, ""Why the fuck am I fired?"""

"dog and the fly what did the dog say to the fly stop bugging me looool"

"Three men walk into a bar... The fourth one ducks."

"Interviewer: your resume says you were a waiter Me: yes that's right Interviewer: where at Me: out in the lobby right before this interview"

"What's black, white, and too fast to see? The perfect mugging."

"Three helium atoms walk into a bar HeHeHe"

"My blood test results are in today. Now I have to call my ex and tell her that she has high cholesterol."

"""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing... except when you're at a funeral."