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Joke of the Day

"Why is it so hard to help deaf people? Because they never listen."

"I hate finals week. Everyone gets testy."

"ME: I JUST WENT TO THAT NEW SALON WHERE THEY CUT YOUR HAIR OFF BY SHOOTING IT WITH A GUN FRIEND: oh cool how was it ME: WHAT"

"What if Hitler was cast for 'The Matrix' instead of Keanu Reeves? The movie would have been pretty... Neo-Nazi."

"Anyone know a good lawyer? (Question sponsored by Al Tebehalah's Discount Lobotomies)"

"The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch."

"I love conversations about palindromes You can always have a good back and forth."

"I'm really not sure how many times I'll search for my phone with the flashlight on my phone before I realize I'm an idiot...."

"""Sir, is this gluten free?"" The waiter nods happily ""Great,"" I shout as I collect gluten in a giant vat, ""I'm building a gluten fort!"""

"I'd be surprised if no one had ever tried to get pity sex using their Web MD results. ""But, baby, I'm dying..."""