165855

Joke of the Day

"Why did the hipster burn his fingers? because he changed the light bulb before it was cool"

"My mum made an accidental physics joke today. Me: What did you do today? Mum: Well, the builders that moved the garage came over and I paid them for their work done."

"When a couple I'm friends with splits up, I always choose sides with the one who won't ask to sleep on my couch."

"I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, ""What's up mate, won't it start?"""

"A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, ""I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!"" So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler."

"What do you call someone with down syndrome who is very depressed? Down"

"Where's the best place to hide during a zombie apocalypse? Radio Shack. Not even the brain dead would go there."

"If ""The Purge"" was real, I'd hide in Aeropostale cause no one has been there since like 2009"

"I was driving around in my tricycle all day I worked it so hard, it lost a wheel. The tricycle is two tired now."

"""This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall."" -Every 2 year old with a Popsicle."