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Joke of the Day

"HR: Let's talk about why you were late today. Me: I told you! HR: DRAGONS AREN'T ""RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION!"" Me: Duh. That's why I was late."

"I like when a restaurant has cloth napkins, 'cause then I can unroll them with the calculated fervor of an assassin surveying his tools."

"Cheap prostitutes are like coffee If you put your dick in them it's gonna burn"

"What's the difference between my 83-year old grandfather and /r/jokes? My grandfather doesn't have Alzheimers."

"I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy ...and my face smashes right into the mirror."

"I like my women just like my wine 10 years old and locked in the cellar."

"There are two kinds of numbers... Rational numbers and Woman numbers."

"How do you get the guitar player off of your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"After 30 years of shopping, my wife still has nothing to wear."

"How did the Linux admin commit assault? He sudo bashed someone."