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Joke of the Day

"Dentist: How often do you floss? Dracula: Every day Dentist: Your gums are covered in blood. Dracula: Oh...I mean never. I never floss."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It may take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"They say that 15% of males don't get enough fibre in their diet... ...I guess it's tough shit for them!"

"A girl approaches a guy... Girl: Do you drink? Guy: No. Girl: Do you do drugs? Guy: No. Girl: Do you watch porn? Guy: No. Girl: Then how do you have fun? Guy: I lie to people."

"What does the kid with no legs get for Christmas? Cancer."

"I cut myself shaving today... because who has time to do both?"

"What's the difference between a baby and a fridge? The fridge doesn't cry when you put your meat in it"

"Once a teacher said nobody was buying my cool guy act but he dropped his clipboard and there was a drawing of me in sunglasses on it."

"If you tickle a billionaire, will he trickle himself?"

"Watching TV today I saw a struggling actress I used to know had landed a job in a bra commercial. Nice to see her supporting herself."