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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna make a alternate account so I can catfish myself. I know what I like so I may fall for it"

"Got busted for shoplifting once in Canada and had to deal with their whole irritating Good Cop/Great Cop routine."

"A man went to his doctor... Man: When i press here it hurts, when i press a little bit higher up it hurts and if i press on my leg it also hurts. Doctor: Looks like you broke your index finger."

"What does a cat go to sleep on ? A caterpillow !"

"Life is like a shit sandwich... The more bread you have the less shit you have to eat."

"Lifes all fun and games till you realize Casper's a dead child."

"I'm just back from Conspiracy Theory Club. You won't believe the first rule."

"Leaving early on a Friday and saying, ""Have a good weekend!"" to people who have to work a full day is like dancing in front of a paraplegic."

"In his college years Jesus could turn oregano into weed"

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with two police officers, you'll know that setting them free was a bad idea."