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Joke of the Day

"Research shows your medication is 879% more effective if you drink a 6 pack and a bottle of wine first. Also, I changed my name to Research."

"Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :)"

"who gives a shit about how many spiders you eat when you're asleep? I'm worried about how many are getting into the other holes"

"What do you call the study of Japanese sound? Yakuztics"

"What did one eye say to the other eye? Between you and me, something smells. Credit: Christmas cracker."

"Why should trees never sign birthday cards? Because they're always so *Sappy*!"

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it date an emotionally available, age-appropriate, nice, single guy with a good job."

"Patriot - n. someone who wears a flag pin while moving a corporation overseas to avoid taxes"

"No thanks officer. I don't even give strange men my phone number, and you're asking for my license and registration."

"If you look long enough and hard enough you could make a lot of money doing porn."