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Joke of the Day

"When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

"summer is the worst time of the year to turn goth what the shit was i thinking"

"Why did Gigi leave the party angrily? Because she's Hadid."

"Apparently ""The WiFi signal is the strongest there"" isn't the right answer when the boss asks ""Why are you spending so much time in toilet?"""

"I asked my mate what he was going to get his mum for Mothers' day. ""Nothing!"" he said. ""Why do they get a whole day to themselves, why can't we have a Son Day?"" We do mate, it comes after Saturday."

"Knock, knock Who's there? I eat map. I eat map, who? *Ewwwww.*"

"Knock Knock *Knock Knock.* Who's there? *This bagel is for.* This bagel is for who? *Whom. This bagel is for whom.*"

"My wife says she hates it when our next door neighbour sunbathes topless in the garden. Personally I'm on the fence."

"What's the only thing better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ."

"A suicide bomber in a pet shop A suicide bomber enters a pet shop and announces... ""everybody has only one minute to get out of here..."" Tortoise: Fuck :-/"