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Joke of the Day

"Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin... It might taste the same but that shit just ain't right."

"MARATHON RUNNER: [breaks through ribbon at finish line] GUY WHO LOVES MARATHONS: Hooray GUY WHO LOVES RIBBONS: What the shit"

"Just a reminder: please do not post any jokes regarding the German highway system. You will be Autobahn'd."

"What happened when the sausage came in first? An announcer said, ""Ladies and gentlemen, we have a wiener!"""

"*interrupts your class* Girl sorry to embarrass you, but I wrote this for you *whips out guitar, fucks up intro* wait. *tries again* wait."

"Fitness guru just tweeted ""remember to breathe"" and it was pure luck that I got the message in time."

"Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth."

"Damn girl, are you an octagon? Cause there's like 8 different sides to you."

"What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you."

"If I had known ""cuties"" were little oranges when my wife asked me to ""bring a few home,"" I could have avoided these awkward introductions."