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Joke of the Day

"*interrupts your class* Girl sorry to embarrass you, but I wrote this for you *whips out guitar, fucks up intro* wait. *tries again* wait."

"I've never gotten along with tall people We just never see eye to eye."

"Doctor Doctor with all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep. Try lying on the edge of your bed...you'll soon drop off!"

"Who would you save first? Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!"

"YouTube: hey we saw u watched a video about a thing Me: great, would it be possible to fill my entire feed with that thing, forever?"

"What do you call a gay keyboard layout? Qweerty"

"As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable."

"What Cell Phone Company does Usain Bolt use? Sprint"

"In Pokemon, why is fighting super effective against dark type? Because beating up black people is effective. (plz no haterino)"

"My wife and I weren't really expecting a baby, and then BAM!... One smacks right into the windshield."