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Joke of the Day

"I've realized that when my wife says ""what?"" its not because she didnt hear me, shes just giving me a chance to unsay something I just said."

"An organ trafficker has a date ""What do you do for a living?"", asks the date. ""I trade illegal organs."", the trafficker says. ""Jesus! Don't you have a heart?"" ""Was that a critic or an order?"""

"HIM: If you're upset that people think you're weird, have you tried being less weird? ME: [eating ice cream with chopsticks] Yes."

"The Snake Handler The snake handler suffered from a reptile dysfinction"

"Did you hear about the mexican train killer? He had locomotives."

"Love is that really warm feeling that starts from the tips of your fingers and goes towards the bottom of your hand. Oh no wait that's glove"

"My wife has cancer and the doctor has prescribed heavy morphine doses for the pain and distress. It works, when I have taken them I can hardly hear her crying at all."

"When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house."

"Ever hear the joke about the 3 Irish guys who left the pub? No? Neither have I."

"Me: I can't get the taste of sour balls out of my mouth Friend: I love those candies Me: Candies?"