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Joke of the Day

"God: thou shall not kill Me: but my coworker whistles all day God: still no Me: he says ciao instead of goodbye God: do what you have to"

"I got prescribed an antifungal... ... and now my girlfriend won't come near me."

"Mother's may get a day, but shark's get a whole week! Mom sharks get 1 week AND a day. ...don't even get me started on black shark moms."

"I almost took part in a gangrape with some friends Good thing I'm faster than them"

"Since women are shorter....are they more genetically suited to scrub the toilet? funny or not"

"Girl I work with says to me, ""Why dont you like Taylor Swift? Shes awesome!"". Because I knew she was trouble when she walked in."

"[mission] CMDR: Did everyone sync their watches? ME: Yeah and now it doesn't work CMDR: What? Let me see ME: I can't...it's in the sink"

"Knock Knock... Who's there? Sean Bean. Sean Bean who? Oh that's right, you started watching after his character died. Works for pretty much anything Sean Bean is in except Sharpe."

"Have you ever played the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom you take 4 Shots."

"I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""