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Joke of the Day

"There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life's face to find she has deflated in the night."

"*Buys map of world, pins up on wall* *Swears to visit wherever it lands* *Aims dart* Map: I have a boyfriend"

"Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, ""what kinda robot does that one turn into?"""

"Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life."

"I put Pepsi in my car instead of gas and now it doesn't work so think of that next time you reach for a refreshing soda."

"What you call a crocodile covered with tortillas? A tacodile"

"""Socks... they're like... soft little canoes for your feet."" - Don Draper, having a stroke"

"i won 100 dollars worth of chips at the casino, all i had to do was throw a brick through the vending machine glass"

"What do laws and virgins have in common? They're both there to be violated. (The sad part is that a Portuguese Taxi Driver actually said that seriously in a protest against Uber)"

"Which fish can perform operations ? A Sturgeon !"