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Joke of the Day

"i won 100 dollars worth of chips at the casino, all i had to do was throw a brick through the vending machine glass"

"You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?"

"What animal has the tendency to be a half-ass A mule"

"Students, unfollow me now. Tonight's drunk subtweets might sting a little. Especially you Britney. Your lab report was a pile of dog shit."

"Boss: Dan why is your hand raised? Me: can I go to the bathroom? Boss: Dan you're 23. This is a business meeting Me: so that's a yes?"

"What do you call a computer smoking weed ? High tech."

"[Enter password: ] MyPeeeeeeeeenis [Error: password too long] *high fives my laptop right off the desk*"

"Breakfast I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."

"Mispronouncing French phrases can be a real social fox piss."

"I used to be a circumcist. The pay was shit but I got to keep the tips"