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Joke of the Day

"Policeman: Why were you speeding when I stopped you? Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration."

"Just went into a women's restroom and lifted all the toilet seats."

"A women takes her to dog to the vet. ""Doctor every time I take a shower my great dane tries to hump me""... Doctor: So you want him neutered. Woman: No, declawed."

"If you don't have a Facebook account, all your high school friends just assume you died."

"Rick Astley: Do you have any Pixar movies I can borrow? Me: You can have Cars, Toy Story & Ratatouille, but I'm never gonna give you UP."

"I'm amazed football players don't fumble on literally every play. One time I tripped on a curb and both of my shoes fell off."

"TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead"

"A man goes into a bakery and says, ""I'll have 99 rolls."" Says the lady behind the counter: ""Why don't you take 100, then you have one more."" ""But who's gonna eat all those rolls?"""

"Open Window Mrs: Hello, please send a MAINTENANCE personnel!! my husband will jump on the window!! Hurry up!! Administrator: Mam why maintenance? Mrs:Bec. the window did not open.."

"What is red and white and red and white and red and ....? Santa Clause rolling down a hill"