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Joke of the Day

"Policeman: Why were you speeding when I stopped you? Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration."

"I've decided to take some time off Twitter so I can focus on work and, ok, I'm back"

"What soft drink did Hitler ban during WWII? Mountain Jew."

"What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? The Pokemon."

"Asian Penises are like.... needles, they're small but when they poke it hurts."

"Reading's great. You stare at stained slices of tree for hours on end, hallucinating vividly as time passes you by."

"Did you know that NASA sent a bunch of cows into orbit? It was the herd shot round the world."

"WIFE: how old is your daughter? WIFE'S FRIEND: she's eight going on nine. ME: *whispering* That's how numbers work"

"What do you call a Mexican garden hose in Canada? Joseh"

"""I'll have the Anti-sleeping Prescription"" ""Sir, those are kids"" ""Gimme two"""