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Joke of the Day

"Just built a kite that'll hold my cat. Figured if a mouse helped discover electricity then my cat & I should be able to unlock time travel."

"Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas? Elf and safety"

"Irony is lost on kleptomaniacs because they take everything literally."

"Dammit. My ""Bikini Inspector"" T-shirt's in the wash. How am I supposed to hit the town without irony?"

"I am a heathen. I like burning bibles and defiling the name of God. But also I genuinely love giving to charity and always try to be as honest as I can. I guess that I am just very sincere."

"Why didn't Princess Diana have very many friends on Xbox Live? All she does is stay on the dashboard."

"How do you pick up a jewish girl? In a dustpan."

"My daughter can be so cruel... Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers? Me: I don't know, what? Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!"

"Why did Anthony Kiedis cross the road? To get to the Otherside."

"i know we have cell phones and the internet, but i kinda expected the world to look like Tron by now."