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Joke of the Day

"I saw a sign yesterday that said ""watch for children"" I thought it was a good trade"

"I went as a congressional bill for Halloween.... I stayed in the House and didn't do anything."

"A law student walks into a bar... He says, ""Shit I should've prepared for this."""

"[normal life] ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week [packing for vacation] hmmm. i'll prob change a few times a day so thats...32 shirts"

"My girlfriend thinks I'm a pedophile.... Eh but what would she know, I mean she is only three."

"Let my legacy to this whole thing be a single outstretched middle finger with fire where a fingernail should be"

"I haven't heard from DAEMON MAILER in years. I really hope he's okay..."

"Why did Jack get a restraining order? Beanstalking."

"Dating in your thirties is like finding a parking spot, the only way to get one is to follow them out to their car."

"Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house? ...the guy likes his power chords too much."