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Joke of the Day

"A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you ""I'm drunk"" is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying ""I'm delicious"""

"I always wanted to be my own boss so now I run a nonprofit Not by choice, im just a shitty salesman."

"I'm not a racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people."

"Our team is doing so badly that ""Manager of the Month"" isn't an award. It's an appointment!"

"I'm thinking about getting an arm tattooed on my snake."

"What is the definision of mixed feelings? When your wife says that you have the largest in your street."

"What did the square say to the root? ""Radical"""

"'You boy !' called a policeman.' Can you help ? We're looking for a man with a huge red nose called Cotters......' 'Really ?' said the boy. 'What're his ears called ?'"

"Wife ""WHY ARE THERE MUDDY FOOTPRINTS ALL OVER THE HALL?"" [Me while trying to push a zebra up into the attic] Must be that damn dog again..."

"As a kid, I put snowballs in the blender to make a slushy. Snowballs was a good cat..."