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Joke of the Day

"What would you get if Geddy Lee, Neil Peart and Alex Lifeson all died in a plane crash? Take your time, there's no Rush..."

"Why wouldn't you teach a woman how to ski? Because there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.."

"What did the Mexican say after two houses fell on him? GET OFF ME HOMES!"

"[front of card] No one will find your body [open card] as attractive as I do [back of card] lying at the bottom of an abandoned mine shaft"

"My friend was worried about the results of his HIV test, so I told him to assume he was going to die. I don't see why he got angry at me though, I was just want him to be negative."

"Press 1 for English. Press 2 For shitty customer service in any language."

"Why is Anthony Weiner considered a hipster? He had has dick out for Harambe before it was cool."

"Fun Fact: Organic milk only comes from cows that do yoga and moo about being a vegetarian or marathons they were in."

"Remember that AMA guy whose mother slept with him because he had broken his arms? She was adding incest to injury."

"The saddest joke I've heard My wife ran off with my best friend... Now, when I throw the stick, it just lays there."