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Joke of the Day

"My doctor told me I should be on a staple diet. I told him I don't think I can digest metal and walked out."

"What does a nosey pepper do? Get's jalapeno business!"

"[Gets Twitter error: ""Somehow, somewhere, something went wrong""] I know Twitter, I know. That's why I'm here."

"*stares at bottel of sleepin pills* when wil they wakE UP"

"Why doesn't a dog ever have a nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."

"Pretty cool to think every time the Verizon guy said ""Can you hear me now?"" the NSA was quietly answering ""Yes we can."""

"What do me and my fridge have in common? Were both empty inside and weigh a tonne"

"Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!"

"Life is like a basketball... It has its ups and downs and is controlled by people that are taller and make more money than you."

"Me: *pouts at front facing camera* Front facing camera: I have a girlfriend."