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Joke of the Day

"I needed to clean my FleshLight, i heard they were dishwasher safe. But that would Just ruin the load."

"In the past, U.S.A. has had for president..... Bush senior, Bush junior and now Bush groper."

"Have You Heard of the Arabic Santa Clause? No? Me either. It's because he's on the No-Fly list."

"What do you call a Nazi doctor that served in WWII and only took animal patients? A Veteran Aryan Veterinarian!"

"I could understand Eve's choice to doom all of humanity if she'd been offered nachos. But an apple? My ovaries are not amused."

"Me: Do you like the new ceiling fan? Her: Yeah, but the fan light is really dull. Fan light: Ok wow like I'm right here"

"If you woke up naked in the woods with a condom up your ass would you tell anyone? No?.. Wanna go camping?"

"Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!"

"I was a trampoline salesman Off and on."

"I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET."