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Joke of the Day

"I needed to clean my FleshLight, i heard they were dishwasher safe. But that would Just ruin the load."

"Using a cellphone in 90's: ""he's prob a drug dealer"" Using a payphone today: ""he's prob a drug dealer"""

"So this girl I was seeing asked me for a dick pic... So I asked ""White, black, asian or pacific islander?"""

"POLICE: POLICE! OPEN UP! ME: My parents never loved me. POLICE: NOT EMOTIONALLY! OPEN THE DOOR! ME: That makes way more sense."

"Having friends is like having a Porsche... I'd really like to have a Porsche."

"Schroedinger either gave the best or the worst presents."

"What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to? Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one."

"If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex to move back in. That would be the longest 3 months of my life."

"How to you call midget intercourse ? Microtransaction"

"whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? pizzas dont scream when they get put in the oven."