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Joke of the Day

"I had a difficult childhood... I was brought up by a couple of alcoholics. I called them my Foster's parents."

"Interviewer: Any special skills? Me: Eclairvoyance. Him: I don't understand. Me: There's a box of donuts in your desk Him: YOU KNOW TOO MUCH"

"Do we really need cheese AND other kinds of food? Seems greedy."

"I have a chest cold, or, as they used to call it in the 17th Century, four days to live."

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give Jesus a fish, and you and your family will eat nothing but that one fish for a lifetime."

"If you're burglarizing a home and the owner walks in, defuse the situation by saying, ""I seriously love your place"""

"Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? Because he needed his space."

"Two peanuts walk down the street... one was a salted"

"just witnessed a salmon shitting out its ovaries. it winked at me and said 'that's how i roe.'"

"Women can split open our bodies & chuck living human beings out of our midsections so how about you go ahead & pay us as much as men."