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Joke of the Day

"Remember the two friends who got the world record for longest staring contest? Yeah? Well turns out they aren't seeing eye to eye anymore."

"What did the executioner say to his wife when he left? I'll beheading out now."

"85% of conversations with my mom is trying to figure out who the ""she"" in her story is."

"The most judgmental aquatic mammal is probably the seal of disapproval."

"Saw this movie about Jewish people this afternoon.. It had a hollow cast."

"Cat with 16 lives There was a cat with 16 lives. It was run over by a 4x4 and it died."

"Him: What gets you hot, baby? Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*"

"I've decided to be outraged about straws too flimsy to punch through their own wrappers. Time to blog."

"What do a walrus and tupperware have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal."

"My husband still waves to policemen like a 5 year old."